Every City, Every Province/State (August 26, 2016) – At exactly 12:01 tonight all major corporations will no longer use social networking as a means of finding new, qualified candidates.
In a recent statement to the press, Every-Major-Corporation-Worldwide made simultaneous headlines with the unanimous decision to “never access popular social networking sites in the effort to recruit qualified, eager candidates.”
In a bid to “try new things” – Every-Major-Corporation-Worldwide agreed it will “no longer access, facilitate, promote or engage” in any social media said Lars Bigshot, Executive of Public Relations and Communications for Every-Major-Corporation-Worldwide. The purpose, according to Mr. Bigshot, is to “go where we’ve never gone before – in the hopes we come back in a different place.”
The fallout is expected to be catastrophic as Everyone-Who-Regularly-Uses-Social Networking – will likely experience high levels of confusion, panic, disillusionment, paranoia and loss of life purpose.
Stay tuned for up to the minute reporting at 12:02 tonight.